Somebody is making money off her generosity, and it isn't her.
You know how that ends, because you lived it.
Here are five things to put in place before her first injection.
Nobody handed you any of them.
1. Split "paying for eggs" from "paying for her time and risk"
Most donors who refuse pay treat these as one thing.
She may tell you that taking money would feel like "selling" rather than "giving."
So she waives everything, including the parts that were never a fee.
Lost wages. Travel. Childcare. Recovery days.
Those are costs, and naming them doesn't cheapen the gift.
Try saying it this way: "You can give the gift without paying to give it."
Some donors are told by a lawyer or clinic that they must accept a minimum anyway.
One felt real guilt over a legally required $200, as if any money betrayed her.
If your friend is already reconsidering, tell her this.
She promised no fee.
She never promised to absorb the bills.
2. Get the costs written down before the first injection
Ask for the expense terms in writing.
Who pays for travel? Who covers lost income? Who covers childcare?
One donor covered her own travel and lost income on top of donating for free.
She was, in effect, paying to give her eggs away.
Another took the fixed expense allowance and found it barely covered her real costs.
There was no profit and no cushion.
Have your friend total her actual costs on paper.
Days off, sitters, flights, all of it.
Then set that number beside the allowance.
The gap is what she'd be donating twice.
Anything extra goes in the same document.
One donor agreed to freeze extra eggs for a future sibling, with no contract protecting her.
Leaving the money talk vague left both sides unsure what "free" included.
3. Plan for the ER before she needs it
You know this one better than anyone.
Donors have landed in the ER with severe OHSS or acute kidney failure, with no financial plan behind them.
So ask the clinic about OHSS in plain words, with her in the room.
Ask what they told her, and what happens if she's sick after the cycle ends.
Ask who pays.
Get the answer before she signs, not after the ambulance.
Then pick one person whose only job is to watch her symptoms.
Donors downplay bloating, pain, and fear because admitting them feels like undercutting the gift.
One donor went skydiving right after donating, badly bloated from hyperstimulation.
She didn't know how much danger she was in.
Another almost backed out mid-cycle from fear.
She felt she couldn't, because she'd promised it for free.
Tell your friend she can stop.
Nobody is helped by her pushing through.
4. Ask where the money she waives actually goes
Put one question to the agency or bank, in writing.
"If she waives compensation, does the price to the intended parents go down?"
Some donors have found that the agency pocketed the difference.
The stranger never paid less.
One donor gave anonymously through a bank for free.
She didn't know the intended parents were still billed full price.
So her sacrifice may land somewhere she never pictured.
Maybe the answer is yes, and the waiver helps someone real.
Good. Then she chooses with open eyes.
Maybe the answer is no.
Then she should hear that before she decides.
Other donors accept $5,000 to $8,000 and call it fair pay for medical labor.
She doesn't have to choose that.
She only has to know what the choice is.
5. Say it plainly, and let them call it bitter
If she's coordinating clinic appointments, legal paperwork, and her own nurse coordinator, that's a job.
Donors call it playing "The Pusher."
Nobody pays them for it.
Take a piece of it.
Calendar, rides, paperwork, the phone calls she keeps putting off.
She can say "this is too much" without taking back what she chose.
Asking her "why for free" can come from care.
Try: "I'm not doubting you. I want you covered."
Now the part that costs you something.
Someone will call you bitter.
Someone will say you're scaring women off.
A checklist doesn't tell anyone to walk away from donating.
It says nobody should be caught with no safety net and no warning.
There's a blog post out there titled "I Donated My Eggs and I Won't Do It Again."
Your friend doesn't need to write the sequel.
Informed doesn't mean scared, and generosity shouldn't mean invisible.
Send her this list tonight, and ask the first question before her calendar fills up.